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One for the man in your life : How to get your wife to have sex with you

One for the man in your life : How to get your wife to have sex with you

How To Get My Partner To Have Sex With Me... 

Okay ladies, it’s time for me to speak directly to the husbands on this one. So step out of the room, leave your laptop open and start hoping he absorbs what he’s reading.

So men, now that I’ve got your attention, does this situation sound a little bit familiar?

You and your wife had a minor disagreement during the day, maybe one of you forgot to do something important or one of your old faithful arguments reared its ugly little head (our classic standby is me feeling like he’s not listening to what I have to say), but even though the fight ended and you’re totally over it she’s still acting a little bit cold and distant.

Bedtime comes around and you think, “I know, I'll get a little frisky with her, get some, and then a good night’s sleep.” But when you proposition your wife her response is, “I’m not in the mood, I'm tired tonight.”

So you go to bed feeling a little hurt and rejected and it becomes abundantly clear that she’s definitely not over your minor disagreement.

But everybody fights, right? If every minor squabble is going to shut your wife’s legs up like a steel trap then how are you ever supposed to feel intimate with each other?

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Well studies have shown that while men can go from zero to arousal in a heartbeat, it actually takes 24 hours of seduction to make your wife feel receptive to your moves.

Yep that’s right, it takes an entire day.

So now you’re probably thinking, Lane, you’re crazy. Do you really expect me to shower my wife with presents, chocolates and flowers for an entire day before she’ll let me jump her bones again?

Well, no. The idea that seduction requires big romantic gestures and dropping lots of cash is a little bit misguided. I’m talking about the other kinds of seduction. let's get into them...

There are other kinds of seduction?

Sure there probably isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t be glad to receive a bunch of gorgeous flowers, but the type of seduction that will really work is a little bit more subtle.

For a woman to feel ready, strip down naked and get it on, she has to feel cherished and adored. Surprisingly, haphazardly throwing gifts at her isn’t the method that works best for this. Sure a present here and there can definitely help you out, but if you’re all “things” and no sentiment then the gifts aren’t going to have their intended purpose, get it?

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This long-term seduction method is something you could start initiating in anticipation for the main event. For example, if you have a standing date night every Thursday then it will pay to start laying the groundwork early Wednesday morning if you really want to seal the deal,  you know what I mean?

Ultimately though, this method of seduction is less about sexuality and more about being a caring and attentive partner - and really if you’re doing these things all the time then you’ll also have a much stronger marriage.

How to seduce your wife

This isn’t the part of the article where I hand over the playbook and plan out your moves in the bedroom on a big whiteboard. When it comes to the physical seduction of your wife I’d like to hope you’ve picked up a thing or two over the years (and if you haven’t then that might be the reason why she’s not in the mood! GET A GRIP!).

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No, what I’m talking about is the mental and emotional seduction of your wife. It’s these actions that will cut through any resentment she might be harboring about ‘that fight’ and remind her what an excellent choice she made for a partner … and that maybe she should give you a toss between the sheets.

So how do you emotionally seduce your wife?

Firstly you need to lose all expectations of the end game and focus on showering her with attention and adoration. Now take note, this doesn’t mean groping her non-stop and invading her personal space (trust me, if she’s already in a bad mood this definitely won’t help!), but being attentive to her needs and moods and giving her support, assistance and understanding.  (Think about tiny acts of unconditional kindness, if you don't know what that would look like to her, then I might suggest you talk about this over dinner!)

For example, something as simple as asking how she’s doing and if she needs anything can help to reignite that spark in her brain that says, that’s why I married that wonderful man.

Women tend to feel like we have to juggle a million things at once. We have to be the perfect wife, mother and business person all at the same time and asking for help either feels like a sign of weakness or an act of defeat. Offering to help in even a small way can remind her that you’re team - and teams workout together if you know what I mean.

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Do you see? The key is filling the 24 hours before you make your move with subtle nice behaviors to prep her for the big yes. Sure those silly fights might crop up from time to time, but if you bookend it with emotional support, understanding and attentiveness she’ll wind up harboring a lot less resentment that will affect her “mood”.

So how can you show her that you’re being attentive?

The line between being attentive and clingy or annoying comes down to a matter of personal space and timing. While making her breakfast in bed might seem like a great romantic gesture, doing it on a Tuesday when she’s slept in past her alarm will not only mean she’ll be feeling stressed and anxious about running late, but a little bit annoyed that you let her sleep in when you should have known she had an important meeting.

Instead it can be helpful and greatly appreciated to let her go about her morning routine without you in her bubble and simply add a minor act of helpfulness - such as making her a cup of coffee when she gets out of the shower - that will keep her in a positive frame of mind when it comes to you.

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It’s often said that the foundation for a lasting, loving relationship comes from being attuned to the needs of your partner. Offering to make her a cup of her favorite tea when she’s had an utterly shitty day is a more effective romantic gesture than a box of chocolates bought from the drug store.  KNOWING which tea to offer her is even better.  DETAILS fellas, it's about details here. 

There are so many ways you can show her that you care about her throughout the day that don’t involve skywriting or a bouquet, even just sending her a cute text message to show that you’re thinking about her or taking care of a chore that is usually hers when she’s busy can give her that pitter patter in her heart that leads to bouncing bedsprings and an ogasm to boot.

So if there’s one thing I hope you can take away from this post it’s this: if you want to effectively seduce your wife you’ve got to show her you’re going to be just as attentive to her needs outside of the bedroom as inside the bed!
 


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Are You In The Mood?  Not Tonight, Honey!

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How to get you MOJO back even when you're gosh darn tired!

You’re a hard working woman with a business you’re trying to get off the ground while also raising three children, and after 15 or so years of marriage, you’re just so over sex.  Like seriously, a good book and a glass of wine are your go to pleasures.  I get it, but I've got five super pro tips you need to try now! 

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A serious crisis is occurring in our world.  No one is sleeping. Are you a part of that crisis too? You're not alone! Read on for how I helped Sophia!  

What You Need To Know About Nootropics

What You Need To Know About Nootropics

Are you suffering from brain fog... memory loss, or you just don't have enough gas in the tank to to take you through an entire day without five espressos?  Then READ on...

Back in our cave man days we only had a few impulses that our brains had to worry about. Sleep, hunt, gather, care for your young and try not to get eaten by any saber tooth tigers. Now we have complex languages (yeah I’m even counting text speak and emojis in there), demanding jobs, rich family lives, incredible technological advancements and serious TV addictions to contend with. Since our lives are demanding so much from us at all times it’s not surprising that our brains are struggling to keep up.

These days my only real connection to those cave man days is when my husband grunts at me when he’s concentrating on his phone screen, but rather than wanting to revert to a time of less brain function it’s time to help our brains reach their full potential.

Did you know that humans only tend to use 10% of our brains? And when you think about it, a lot of the functions that our brains perform aren’t active functions, they’re the automatic ones that we need to live such as breathing or moving around. As technology progresses we’re using fewer and fewer opportunities to challenge our brain purely because we definitely have an app for that.

Why use a map when my GPS will tell me how to get there - as well as the routes that have the most traffic and my estimated arrival time? Why take the time to read up on a subject to find out an answer to a random question that pops into my head (Which artist was famous for his polyphasic sleep patterns again?) when I can just Google it to get the answer in 3 seconds? (I was thinking of Leonardo da Vinci, by the way).

Hell, when was the last time you did a simple math question without using the calculator on your phone? It’s not surprising that most adults no longer know their multiplication tables or bother to memorize phone numbers. Our phones have basically replaced our brains.

There are lots of ways we can help our brain to work better, even just being sure to constantly challenge it and occasionally take a break from mindlessly staring at our screens to read or try something new is incredibly beneficial, but another way is to boost our brain power with Nootropics.

AN INTRODUCTION TO NOOTROPICS

Your memory, motivation, alertness and creativity can all be affected by poor brain function. The cause of your sluggish brain could stem from a number of things including stress or a lack of sleep, but if you’re topping it up with brain-loving nutrients from the get go then you’re starting your day off on the right foot.

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Let me take a moment to introduce you to my new little friend, Nootropics!  Nootropics are natural drugs (I use that word lightly here, think nicotine) or supplements that have a beneficial effect on brain function in healthy people and can even help to reduce age-related declines in brain function. They can be taken in a drug form or in some cases (such as caffeine) they can be incorporated into your diet to help with memory, focus and creativity.

Your brain isn’t the fixed form we see it as - it can change, grow and improve. Nootropics that are beneficial for brain function are derived from naturally occurring compounds such as Phosphatidylserine, a type of fat compound found in the brain that can help to improve thinking skills and memory. Supplementing your diet with these drugs assist your body’s ability to regenerate and function at its highest levels - especially when you have dietary gaps because of food intolerances or a vegetarian diet.

When you think about it, our bodies are not only fueled by the foods we eat but made up of them and if we’re not giving it enough of the good stuff it needs then it’s going to start depleting its own resources.

NOOTROPIC STACKS

Generally, unless you’re specifically getting a multivitamin, when we take the regular old supplements that you pick up from the pharmacy or supermarket you’re getting one type of compound that has been synthesised in a lab. Think those chewable Vitamin C tablets or iron supplements - that is all you’re getting when you pop one of those little tablets.

A lot of Nootropics work like this as well, where you can pick one type of ingredient or benefit and select a single Nootropic that has been designed to specifically target that field, and by taking it regularly you’ll definitely start to see some improvements - but only in regards to that one function.

However, to really get the most out of Nootropics it’s better to find a Nootropic stack that will get you covered from every angle and support all the gaps in your brain chemistry. If you make yourself a big bowl of spinach leaves for dinner, say it’s a salad and then call it a night, nobody can claim that you’re not being healthy. Spinach is full of beneficial vitamins and nutrients that have a positive impact on your body, but they work in tandem with the other foods we eat to nutritionally support all of our body’s functions.

Nootropic stacks work in the same way. By combining - or “stacking” - together multiple nootropics you’re able to support the various needs and functions of your brain. You can buy nootropic stacks in a single dose or stack them yourself. You should always start by trying single doses so you can assess the benefits and affects individually first.

Before we jump into my favorite 5 nootropics to help improve brain function, it should be noted that not all nootropics on the market - especially those made from previously unknown, exotic compounds - may not be thoroughly tested. In addition, everybody’s brain and body reacts differently, and there’s no definitive way to tell how your body will react to any compound, so you should always proceed with caution and consult your doctor if you feel you’re having a bad reaction.

 

5 NOOTROPICS THAT CAN IMPROVE YOUR BRAIN FUNCTION

  1. Qualia
    This is the main nootropic stack I’m currently using so I definitely wanted to start here. Qualia is a combined stack of 10 nootropics that helps your mental focus, creativity, alertness and even your ability to feel empathy. When I take Qualia I feel more present and aware, with better brain function and an increased ability to problem solve. Basically, I’m my best version of me.

  2. Piracetam
    This is one of the most common nootropics and is a member of the “racetam” family of nootropics that are designed to help cognitive function. It has been shown to have an effect on the release of neurotransmitters and the activation of acetylcholine which helps the brain take up oxygen with improved blood flow, as well as promoting transference from one brain hemisphere to the other.

  3. Modafinil
    This is an incredibly popular nootropic with a wide variety of devoted users. It helps to increase brain function in a number of ways, but two of its main uses is to increase your resistance to fatigue and improve your mood. It has been used to increase brain function in sleep deprived doctors, so is definitely one to keep in mind if you regularly find yourself running with less than the optimum amount of sleep. While it is not a stimulant (ie. it won’t keep you awake) it does help your brain to function at a higher level when you’re sleep deprived which in turn will stop you from being a slave to fatigue.

     

  4. Bacopa Monnieri
    Bacopa Monnieri is a creeping marsh plant native to India and is used as a nootropic to help improve cognitive function. This nootropic works in two ways: it helps to improve your mood and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety, while also helping to improve your memory and overall cognitive function. This does seem to take a bit longer to work than others so it is recommended that you try it for a month before giving up on it.

     

  5. Unfair Advantage
    When it comes to accurately named products you can’t beat Unfair Advantage because its ability to help power up your body by providing your brain with energy without the jittery caffeine high of coffee. It works on a cellular level, supplying your mitochondria with the raw materials it needs to repair cells and function at its highest capacity.

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What Can Meditation Really Do For You?

What Can Meditation Really Do For You?

When I say the word “meditation” what’s the first image that pops into your head?

Be honest. Chances are you’re thinking of either a Ghandi-esque spiritualist or that substitute yoga teacher you had that one time who kept talking about their third eye when you were trying to get your downward dog on. You probably didn’t think of high ranking CEOs - or even me.

Most likely the image was followed by a second thought: I don’t have hours to spend sitting still trying to find inner peace. I’ve got a business to run, a house to clean, meals to cook and a family to wrangle. I’m lucky if I can find the time to go to the bathroom, let alone the time it takes to clear your head out.

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You know what? There was a time when I probably would have been right there with you. It’s hard to get past the idea of meditation as a hokey form of spiritualism that you need to devote your whole life to, but taking a vow of silence isn’t the only way to start living a meditative lifestyle (and let’s be honest - you all know there’d be no way in hell I was going to stop talking!).

 

WHAT IS MEDITATION?

There are lots of different ways to meditate that all require different intentions and time put aside, but two of the most common types you’ll come across are transcendental meditation and mindfulness meditation. If I’m already starting to lose you, then make the effort to pull yourself back into this article and devote your whole brain power to what’s currently in front of you - without scanning through social media on your phone or drafting a shopping list in your head. Congratulations, you’ve just been introduced to mindfulness.

That’s right, mindfulness meditation is all about being in the moment and concentrating on your breath going into your body without chasing those thoughts that are always racing through your head. You can practice mindfulness in small doses - such as really being present while you eat your dinner and appreciating every mouthful, instead of shovelling it into your mouth over the sink and barely chewing (guilty!).

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Transcendental meditation on the other hand is the type of meditation we’re all more familiar with and involves concentrating on a mantra that you repeat in your head. This can be an intention for something you want to concentrate on in your life or, in the case of pretty much all the meditations you’ve seen on TV, a sound such as the traditional “om”.

Whatever type of meditation you choose to practice, the goal is to be present in the moment and experience the sensations in your body as well as your thoughts and emotions without following them. It’s like standing on a busy train platform. You see the trains pull in and can acknowledge where they’re going, but you don’t get on any of them.

 

BENEFITS OF MEDITATION ON YOUR BODY

The most obvious benefit of meditation that we’re all aware of - and one of the main reasons meditation is so often recommended to people leading a busy life - is related to stress reduction. Studies have shown that meditation can help ease symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression, especially when the main source of stress comes from the workplace.

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Mindfulness meditation in particular, which encourages you to focus on your breath and body and disregard all unrelated thoughts, can have a significant impact on your stress levels because it helps you to focus on the present and not get carried away worrying about all those emails you’ll have to respond to first thing in the morning or that message you got from an annoyed client that’s eating you up inside.

But that’s not where the benefits stop. Meditation can also help your body in a more physical way by helping to ease blood pressure, which is one of the biggest risk factors of heart attacks. Regular meditation has also been linked to decreased mortality with older patients, as well as a decrease in blood pressure related symptoms in high-risk groups. It can also help with inflammation that can contribute to those feelings of depression.

Importantly - and unsurprisingly for anyone who has tried to meditate and found themselves snoring - meditation can also help with your sleep. Whether you’re a bit of an insomniac or just struggle with sleeping through the night when you’re stressed out, meditation can help you get a good night’s rest and in some cases can be as effective as sleeping medications. If you’re stressed out and unable to sleep it just continues the cycle of stress that makes you feel frazzled and look like you just stuck your finger into an electrical socket.

 

MEDITATION AND YOUR BRAIN

The most exciting benefit that we’re discovering about meditation is how it can affect your brain. Sure, reducing stress and anxiety is one of the mental benefits that should have you getting excited about embracing a life in the slow lane, but there is growing evidence that meditation can actually help you to re-wire your brain.

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On a basic level, even a short course of regular meditation can improve cognitive function - that means you’re better at focusing, have better control over your emotions and even improved memory. In a recent Harvard study, researchers used regular MRIs to assess the changes made to the brain through regular meditation and found an increase in grey-matter density in the hippocampus. This part of the brain is associated with learning, memory, self-awareness, compassion and introspection.

 

So how can this actually help us?

 

Well improving brain function is always a good thing. Especially if you’re anything like me and occasionally find yourself staring at your computer screen for what feels like hours trying to figure out if “that” is actually a word. These changes to the grey matter can also help you train your brain to become more focused and productive during the day.

This isn’t a change that only occurs immediately following a meditation session either - they’re alterations to the make-up of your brain that you can build upon every day. With each meditation session you’re training your brain to focus on the here and now - whether that’s a physical sensation, an emotion or a memory. This is a skill that your body automatically transfers to your day to day life and helps you to become more productive and generally better.

 

 

MEDITATION FOR BEGINNERS

So now I’ve got you all excited about meditation and ready to jump on in but you have no idea where to start? Well, as I mentioned earlier, starting a meditation practice doesn’t have to be a massive undertaking or involve finding a spare couple of hours in your day when the kids aren’t screaming your name (good luck with that!). You can start practicing meditation any time you have a spare second or minute and progress from there.

Mindfulness meditation is a great way to start dipping your toes into the world of meditation because it is all about experiencing the moment that you’re in. You can be mindful while eating dinner, exercising or even while lying in bed before you go to sleep. The key is to focus on your breathing and the effect that it has on your body, acknowledge distracting thoughts and intentionally bring yourself back to your breathing. Set yourself a timer and you’ll be surprised how quickly time can pass while you’re meditating.

Whether you need to download an app to guide you or take a few classes to get a feel for it you’ll find that the benefits will work their way into all aspects of your life. Making you a more efficient worker, a better parent and a happier person all round. And who doesn’t want that?
 


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Sleep and hormones?  (Sleep Series: Part Two)

Sleep and hormones? (Sleep Series: Part Two)

Struggling with your zzzzzs at night?  This is Part Two of Sleep Series.  Need to read Part One?  Want to grab the Sleep Reset Guide?

One of the quickest ways to sleep better is to start paying attention to balancing out your hormones. Hormonal imbalances can mess up (your) sleep like nothing else!

In fact, around the time you’re 40 and menopausal or perimenopausal you start to lose estrogen. (Our feel good, womanly hormone.) When this happens, it’s like the beginning of the end (just joking, but not really) brain fog becomes a regular part of living, that extra weight won’t budge, your supercalifragilistic happy mood no longer shows up when you need it, and your luscious, most cherished time of sleeping eight hours goes awry!  Yes, sleeping becomes a long ago friend.

One of the first things I recommend when you notice your sleep getting disrupted or when you find that you’re not waking up feeling 100% recharged and refreshed is… drumroll please...  meditate.  You might not want to hear that solution but science backed data proves that this sleep hack works!

The main and primary reason meditation can work wonders for sleep is because it helps to increase the production of melatonin in the body.

What is melatonin?

It is a hormone made by the pineal gland and helps you sleep soundly.  {Yeah!} 

When your hormones are out of balance, melatonin production is impacted dramatically. Meditation can help assist in restoring that balance.

Research has indicated that meditation can boost levels of melatonin in the body naturally and help you sleep better.

I personally meditate before bedtime for optimum results during those times when I know my cycle is at its worst.  Good news for you, you don’t need any special equipment or training and you can do it anytime, anywhere.

The site has an easy-to-understand set of instructions for both mindfulness meditation and relaxation meditation to help you get started, tonight!

My other go-to resource for hormone health is Dr. Sara Gottfried’s book, The Hormone Cure. I was one of Dr. Sara’s first students a few years back, becoming trained in what she is known for, The Gottfried Protocol which helps restore balance to our hormones.  You can read and use the resources in this book to repair your body’s imbalance, increase melatonin levels, and improve your sleep quality as well.

In the book Dr. Gottfried talks about a 3-pronged, powerfully effective and natural approach to treat hormonal imbalance with herbal therapies, bioidentical hormones, supplements and lifestyle changes, exactly like the one you're reading about now.  (I personally have done all the above and have been using bioidenticals for over 15 years now, total lifesavers!)

Practical Clean Living 

I want you to get a copy of Dr. Gottfried’s book either from Amazon, or you can even walk on over to your local library and check it out for couple weeks!  

Also, set aside 10 to 15 minutes every evening to meditate. Start small, even 5 minutes of meditation will help you settle into your evening and bring you a more peaceful night’s sleep.  

Here is one of my meditations- it's super easy.

  1. Light candle.
  2. Sit in front of a candle.
  3. Focus on the flame of the candle.
  4. When tiny thoughts or big thoughts enter your brain, say, “Thank you, I’m meditating now and being quiet.”
  5. Focus on the flame again.
  6. Inhale and exhale deeply on a count of 5 or 7 -- inhaling for five -- hold for five -- exhale for five.
  7. You can increase the count of the breath to 11 as you increase your meditation.
  8. Stay focused on the flame.
  9. At the end of your time, simply say, “Thank you”
  10. Blow out the candle and get into bed.

 

Remember, you can do this. You can create powerful changes for a positive lifestyle, I’m here to help you every step of the way.

Want to really catch more ZZZZ’s and feel alive when you wake up?  Grab the sleep reset Guide or a session with me!  


How do I become happier?

How do I become happier?

Want a more fulfilling and happy life?  Why who doesn't these days?  Read more...

Success and Mindset are they related?

Success and Mindset are they related?

When it comes to success, does mindset play an important part? Are success and mindset related?

Do you think about the size of your jeans, perhaps how they've gotten tighter? How about what you look like when you jump on a video call or conference? Are you concerned with what other people think of you -- your success or lack of it? Are you prancing around the office because you hit your projected numbers for the month but now think, "Crap, now I have to keep this up!"

For most of us this sort of thinking is normal, yes we all stress about these tiny things, we just don't talk about them. I have to say we don't talk about much when it comes to the important things in our lives ... those worries, fears and stressors, we simply don't share enough.

Did you know that when we share life robbing thoughts we succeed!

Yep, it's true, we become more successful and less fear driven. How often do you tell someone else about what's truly going on with you? Wouldn't it be nice if you had a place to go hangout with others, like you, who were supportive and completely encouraging you to live life fearlessly regardless of those thoughts?! Building a business and living fully can be hard some days... I know, I face the void everyday in this online space.  But I know I'm not alone... 

Over the past couple of days I’ve been paying attention to my mind, and how it races all over the place with seriously wild thoughts! I sometimes utterly fail when it comes to keeping my mind at ease. In the past I especially failed with managing those thoughts when it came to the size of my booty, yes my behind. I want to share some mind hacking and how I’ve gotten over the curse of body image, and the size of my booty.

STEP ONE.

Notice the negative thinking and write it down on a piece of paper, not on a keypad.

STEP TWO.

Create a statement that is counter intuitive to that thought, you just had.

STEP THREE.

Every time you hear the negative voice start in on you, read or replace the thought with the new counter-intuitive thought from step two!

EASY does it. You've got this. 

Let me know what you are going to use the hack on, what thought exactly gets to you everyday?  I want to know.  Catch me over in the Upgraded Woman Facebook Group!