How To Get My Partner To Have Sex With Me... 

Okay ladies, it’s time for me to speak directly to the husbands on this one. So step out of the room, leave your laptop open and start hoping he absorbs what he’s reading.

So men, now that I’ve got your attention, does this situation sound a little bit familiar?

You and your wife had a minor disagreement during the day, maybe one of you forgot to do something important or one of your old faithful arguments reared its ugly little head (our classic standby is me feeling like he’s not listening to what I have to say), but even though the fight ended and you’re totally over it she’s still acting a little bit cold and distant.

Bedtime comes around and you think, “I know, I'll get a little frisky with her, get some, and then a good night’s sleep.” But when you proposition your wife her response is, “I’m not in the mood, I'm tired tonight.”

So you go to bed feeling a little hurt and rejected and it becomes abundantly clear that she’s definitely not over your minor disagreement.

But everybody fights, right? If every minor squabble is going to shut your wife’s legs up like a steel trap then how are you ever supposed to feel intimate with each other?


Well studies have shown that while men can go from zero to arousal in a heartbeat, it actually takes 24 hours of seduction to make your wife feel receptive to your moves.

Yep that’s right, it takes an entire day.

So now you’re probably thinking, Lane, you’re crazy. Do you really expect me to shower my wife with presents, chocolates and flowers for an entire day before she’ll let me jump her bones again?

Well, no. The idea that seduction requires big romantic gestures and dropping lots of cash is a little bit misguided. I’m talking about the other kinds of seduction. let's get into them...

There are other kinds of seduction?

Sure there probably isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t be glad to receive a bunch of gorgeous flowers, but the type of seduction that will really work is a little bit more subtle.

For a woman to feel ready, strip down naked and get it on, she has to feel cherished and adored. Surprisingly, haphazardly throwing gifts at her isn’t the method that works best for this. Sure a present here and there can definitely help you out, but if you’re all “things” and no sentiment then the gifts aren’t going to have their intended purpose, get it?

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This long-term seduction method is something you could start initiating in anticipation for the main event. For example, if you have a standing date night every Thursday then it will pay to start laying the groundwork early Wednesday morning if you really want to seal the deal,  you know what I mean?

Ultimately though, this method of seduction is less about sexuality and more about being a caring and attentive partner - and really if you’re doing these things all the time then you’ll also have a much stronger marriage.

How to seduce your wife

This isn’t the part of the article where I hand over the playbook and plan out your moves in the bedroom on a big whiteboard. When it comes to the physical seduction of your wife I’d like to hope you’ve picked up a thing or two over the years (and if you haven’t then that might be the reason why she’s not in the mood! GET A GRIP!).


No, what I’m talking about is the mental and emotional seduction of your wife. It’s these actions that will cut through any resentment she might be harboring about ‘that fight’ and remind her what an excellent choice she made for a partner … and that maybe she should give you a toss between the sheets.

So how do you emotionally seduce your wife?

Firstly you need to lose all expectations of the end game and focus on showering her with attention and adoration. Now take note, this doesn’t mean groping her non-stop and invading her personal space (trust me, if she’s already in a bad mood this definitely won’t help!), but being attentive to her needs and moods and giving her support, assistance and understanding.  (Think about tiny acts of unconditional kindness, if you don't know what that would look like to her, then I might suggest you talk about this over dinner!)

For example, something as simple as asking how she’s doing and if she needs anything can help to reignite that spark in her brain that says, that’s why I married that wonderful man.

Women tend to feel like we have to juggle a million things at once. We have to be the perfect wife, mother and business person all at the same time and asking for help either feels like a sign of weakness or an act of defeat. Offering to help in even a small way can remind her that you’re team - and teams workout together if you know what I mean.

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Do you see? The key is filling the 24 hours before you make your move with subtle nice behaviors to prep her for the big yes. Sure those silly fights might crop up from time to time, but if you bookend it with emotional support, understanding and attentiveness she’ll wind up harboring a lot less resentment that will affect her “mood”.

So how can you show her that you’re being attentive?

The line between being attentive and clingy or annoying comes down to a matter of personal space and timing. While making her breakfast in bed might seem like a great romantic gesture, doing it on a Tuesday when she’s slept in past her alarm will not only mean she’ll be feeling stressed and anxious about running late, but a little bit annoyed that you let her sleep in when you should have known she had an important meeting.

Instead it can be helpful and greatly appreciated to let her go about her morning routine without you in her bubble and simply add a minor act of helpfulness - such as making her a cup of coffee when she gets out of the shower - that will keep her in a positive frame of mind when it comes to you.


It’s often said that the foundation for a lasting, loving relationship comes from being attuned to the needs of your partner. Offering to make her a cup of her favorite tea when she’s had an utterly shitty day is a more effective romantic gesture than a box of chocolates bought from the drug store.  KNOWING which tea to offer her is even better.  DETAILS fellas, it's about details here. 

There are so many ways you can show her that you care about her throughout the day that don’t involve skywriting or a bouquet, even just sending her a cute text message to show that you’re thinking about her or taking care of a chore that is usually hers when she’s busy can give her that pitter patter in her heart that leads to bouncing bedsprings and an ogasm to boot.

So if there’s one thing I hope you can take away from this post it’s this: if you want to effectively seduce your wife you’ve got to show her you’re going to be just as attentive to her needs outside of the bedroom as inside the bed!